Note: The following post is neither parody nor satire, in a strict sense, but nevertheless it should be taken as tongue-in-cheek, and certainly not as advocacy for any unhealthy activities.

Before I get started, I need to explain something: the title to this post comes from the television show Arrested Development, which everyone should be watching, but – sadly – few people are.

The particular affliction to which I’m alluding is, of course, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, which should not be taken lightly. Of course, what am I about to do? I’m about to take that shit most lightly.

Not really – actually, I have great respect for OCD, from which I believe I suffer (albeit a fairly mild case.) Why do I have great respect for it? Because, without it, I’m not sure I would be here, weighing what I weigh and posting about it on the internet. My particularly helpful version of OCD manifests itself thusly: when I am convinced I need to do something, in order to reach a goal that I have deemed important, I will perform this activity with great resilience and without fail.

Nowhere is this more evident than in my experience with the gym. For years, I was dead set against the gym: “Why do I need a gym membership?” I scoffed at my wife, Amy. “I walk four times a week, rain or shine. Look at my shoes!” At which point I would produce muddy, disheveled pair of New Balance running shoes.

To her credit, my wife is as stubborn as I am obsessive, and several days after this particular conversation, in the fall of 2003, I found myself taking a tour of Bally Total Fitness, which I later joined (that day). And, upon joining, I saw the light, and the OC (I really shouldn’t call it that) stuck its boot up my ass, and I found myself at the gym no fewer than five times a week. I began to plan my days around going to the gym, and if I didn’t get to go, I would become sullen, then angry. No, this isn’t particularly healthy or well-adjusted behavior, but it’s been effective.

This tendency I’m describing extends beyond the gym, as well. When I hit a set point, described here, it was a modification in diet that made all the difference, and a little bit of obsession that made it happen. See, when you work out five times a week, you begin to build up a rather aggressive metabolism. Then, when you resolve to consume no more than 1,500 to 1,600 calories daily (not including alcohol, on the weekends), your stomach is going to start making furious sounds, and you’re going to get uncomfortable. And when you’re uncomfortable, you’re going to need something pushing you forward, in spite of the discomfort. For some, this is God, for others, family; for me, it was a constant, unrelenting pressure to just do it (sorry, NIKE), and do it right.

Okay, that last bit was over the top, and tongue-in-cheek, but I think my point stands: if you’re going to change your life, you’re going to need to change your mindset toward a lot of things. To put it succinctly: to get physically healthy, you might just have to get a little mentally unhealthy.